Due Date...

Thinking of you sweet boy and missing you so much. I replay the day we met you and lost you over and over in my mind. I remember like it was yesterday, but here we are almost two and a half years later. Your little sister has helped heal my wounds so I can smile again. That empty space will always be in my heart though. A space meant only for you. But I remain strong and present still able to stand and face each day. I want to make you proud and be the mom you would want me to be..the mom who gives myself whole heartedly to Rylei and Daddy. I promise to not go through the motions but to live every day of my life to the fullest. To be fearless and giddy. Not broken. To look in the mirror and see the real me. The one I used to know. I see her more and more everyday but I will work hard everyday to see all of her again. I love you Kaden. Always.

1's

A series of One's revolved around my time with my little man.


21 weeks- found out cervix was open

22 1/2 weeks- gave birth to Kaden

1/31/10 - Kaden's official birthdate

1/1/11 - waking up to my nightmare and coming home empty bellied and handed

1/11/11 - seeing and holding Kaden for the last time after waking up in a panic that it might be too late.

2/1 - And last but not least......2 years ago today was the day we picked up Kaden's ashes. A tough day amongst the worst days of our lives and one that I will never forget. Looking at them was beyond heartbreaking and only made my nightmare even more a reality. His ashes are in a special place in Rylei's room where we honor and remember him. One day, when we are ready, we will release his ashes at his beach.

One day....